how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
