And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
