She is in my trunk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
