My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
