my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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