you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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