I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
