would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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