WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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