I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize