Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
