YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
