what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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