i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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