You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
