This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
