How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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