I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
