Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize