I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
