Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
