I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
