woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
