Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
