If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
