Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
