Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
