we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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