Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
