What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
