my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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