DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
