And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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