WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
