You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize