So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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