ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
