just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
