Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
