Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
