ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
