just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
