dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
