We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
