mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
