So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
