Who wears a wallet chain?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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