I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
