you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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