woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
