My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
