well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
