Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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