i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
