I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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