I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
