More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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