I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
