dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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