some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize