Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a search helicopter?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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