Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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