I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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