I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize