Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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