JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
