school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
