But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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