Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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