is your mom at the bar?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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