I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
